To die or not

Am I suffering from depression? That's what my mum always wonder. My reply to her would be "of course no". As far as I know, I'm not suffering from depression. I believe that I'm perfectly fine.

Or is it I'm trying to delude myself?

Many times, I have the thinking about "life is meaningless". I then start to think deeper and deeper and forgot all the meaning about living life. My whole self would become so sad and I would start to wonder about lots of things in life. Always, I ask myself "what is life" and "is this life".

Why must we go through all these? People all around me rushing to die while I can't bear to die yet can't afford to live. Nevermind the fact that I'm not easily understand because it's like this. What have we done?

To the extend of life is meaningless to me, I'm a coward timid boy. Never have I thought of ending my life purposely. I am afraid of death. How I wish that I can continue living on this miserable Earth looking at the downfall or human.

Everyday we are upgrading ourself, everyday we are downgrading ourself. As days go by, we are getting stupider each day.

The meaning of life actuall just lie around our five senses; see, touch, hear, smell, feel. Once you die, you lose all your senses. Having lost all the senses is as good as dead. You won't see, touch, hear, smell and feel your friend beside you, the delicious laksa, the colorful money, the beauty of girls showing off their waistline, the melodious of Jay Chou singing, the wonderful smell of acid rain.


What if one day, I have become brave and decided not to be afraid of death?