Ah Mah, I miss you
It's been almost 2 years since I last posted an entry in my blog.
It's been almost 6 years since I start blogging.
It's been almost 3 years since you left me.
Everyday I'm thinking about you. Yes everyday.
I still remember vividly the day you left me for a better place. I was still in the army then, serving my NS at Kaki Bukit Camp (driving course) and I receive the first SMS from my mum saying that you will be leaving soon. Immediately, I plead my superiors and instructors for time-off to the training to visit you in the hospital. Being in the army means everything is so slow, need to go around asking permission from the whole world before getting an approval. By then, 15 minutes has passed and I start running towards the nearest main road for a cab. As I was running, I received another SMS from my mum, you have already left us. WHY?! Tears started rolling down my cheeks uncontrollably.
Again, I ran as fast as I could when the cab alighted me at Changi General Hospital. Upon reaching the ward, I stayed away from your bed. At one time, I even hide in the toilet, crying. A gentleman doesn't cry but I just can't control my tears. Hiding myself away from the hard facts which I don't want to face. I don't want to see you dead. Then my youngest brother walk to me, ask me go take one last look at you. With all my courage, I walked over. The image of you in the hospital with your last breath still very much saddens me until now as it has already been deeply imprinted in my mind. Again, I can't controlled my tears.
The nurses then push you to a "waiting room" (can't remember the exact name for that room). It's a place for us to see and touch you for one last time. I just stood there, looking at you, observing you, just hoping that you will come back to life. Come back to me. But you failed to show any hints or signs of life. After a long time, I simply broke down. I went out of the room, to a corner isolated from public and started crying again. I can't remember how long I've cried then I walked back to the room again. I tried to stay cheerful and normal but it wasn't easy. Emotions failed me.
You are the one who was there with me since day one of my life but I wasn't there for you on your last day. You brought me to my schools whether it's rain or shine. You played with me when I have no one to play with. You taught me a lot of valuable lessons in life. At times, I feel that you were there for me more than my parents as they were busy working. You are a wonderful grandmother.
I promised to bring you back to your hometown in China but the promise could no longer be fulfilled. Maybe you are at a better place now, away from all the sufferings and pains. Many times, I wish you could just come back and see me again. Please.
23 years of my life with you already. How can I not miss you everyday? Don't be angry or sad if I don't visit you during important festivals but I promise I will visit you as and when I have the time. I'm sure you won't forget me but I'm afraid I will forget your look, your voice, your everything. Photos of you is the best way to keep my memory refreshed.
I still remember you counting down with me everyday towards my ORD but sadly, you have to leave me 6.5 months before I could celebrate it with you. Other than pink IC, you occupied my mind during the ORD.
Thank you for everything. I love you.
It's been almost 6 years since I start blogging.
It's been almost 3 years since you left me.
Everyday I'm thinking about you. Yes everyday.
I still remember vividly the day you left me for a better place. I was still in the army then, serving my NS at Kaki Bukit Camp (driving course) and I receive the first SMS from my mum saying that you will be leaving soon. Immediately, I plead my superiors and instructors for time-off to the training to visit you in the hospital. Being in the army means everything is so slow, need to go around asking permission from the whole world before getting an approval. By then, 15 minutes has passed and I start running towards the nearest main road for a cab. As I was running, I received another SMS from my mum, you have already left us. WHY?! Tears started rolling down my cheeks uncontrollably.
Again, I ran as fast as I could when the cab alighted me at Changi General Hospital. Upon reaching the ward, I stayed away from your bed. At one time, I even hide in the toilet, crying. A gentleman doesn't cry but I just can't control my tears. Hiding myself away from the hard facts which I don't want to face. I don't want to see you dead. Then my youngest brother walk to me, ask me go take one last look at you. With all my courage, I walked over. The image of you in the hospital with your last breath still very much saddens me until now as it has already been deeply imprinted in my mind. Again, I can't controlled my tears.
The nurses then push you to a "waiting room" (can't remember the exact name for that room). It's a place for us to see and touch you for one last time. I just stood there, looking at you, observing you, just hoping that you will come back to life. Come back to me. But you failed to show any hints or signs of life. After a long time, I simply broke down. I went out of the room, to a corner isolated from public and started crying again. I can't remember how long I've cried then I walked back to the room again. I tried to stay cheerful and normal but it wasn't easy. Emotions failed me.
You are the one who was there with me since day one of my life but I wasn't there for you on your last day. You brought me to my schools whether it's rain or shine. You played with me when I have no one to play with. You taught me a lot of valuable lessons in life. At times, I feel that you were there for me more than my parents as they were busy working. You are a wonderful grandmother.
I promised to bring you back to your hometown in China but the promise could no longer be fulfilled. Maybe you are at a better place now, away from all the sufferings and pains. Many times, I wish you could just come back and see me again. Please.
23 years of my life with you already. How can I not miss you everyday? Don't be angry or sad if I don't visit you during important festivals but I promise I will visit you as and when I have the time. I'm sure you won't forget me but I'm afraid I will forget your look, your voice, your everything. Photos of you is the best way to keep my memory refreshed.
I still remember you counting down with me everyday towards my ORD but sadly, you have to leave me 6.5 months before I could celebrate it with you. Other than pink IC, you occupied my mind during the ORD.
Thank you for everything. I love you.
